The past couple of weeks have been particularly difficult and various challenges have tested my awareness and inner equilibrium and disheartened my ego.  All of the discomfort I experienced was due to either impulsiveness on my part, or my investment in the status quo.  I can now appreciate the transformational power of this time.

 For steady internal growth we need strict rules and self-discipline because our normal human nature is careless. We need tools to protect the fragility of growth, to keep the mind from freaking-out and to learn how to return to the center in a relaxed and and natural way. Sometimes we can get so drawn into the big screen of our life that we forget to tend to the tenderness of the soul.  Yogic sadhana helps us to remember to remain steadily on course and adjust to change without compromising integrity.

Challenges arrive so that we are forced to transform or restore this or that, which is deteriorating, and this is good.  But any correction of mistakes should be made from the space of the tender soul not from the ego.  Teachings come in many forms, and some are not ones we would choose.  Some of our best teachings come from something being forced upon us. It is said that something harmful may happen to a good person but in that event, an important benefit can occur.  This is one of the paradoxes of life.

We all seek the benefits of inner peace and contentment.  In that search it not uncommon for people to align with a particular school of Yoga/ meditation and then quit, to try another.   Anyone who stays the path of Babajis Kriya Yoga adds something, figures out something about how to remain firm not only in their practice but also by working on themself.  There is no way to walk away from the path because their life becomes their path.  The only concern is not to get stuck, or to lose awareness of that fact.

A path walked sincerely connects us to our own Inner Guru and to Universal energy. And then, we are supported in so many directions.  Spiritual tradition is founded on the belief that once we gain firm support from within, external support follows.  It is that internal foundation that we must gain.  We must establish a firm ground.   A specific spiritual dharma like Babajis Kriya Yoga is a means of bulding firm grounding and unshakeable faith. 

Firm ground is not necessarily demonstrated by how many hours one does specific practices, nor is it a reflection of the personal relationship one has developed with a Guru in the physical form.  It requires never leaving the path, come what may.  One may still try this or that new technique, and stays the path.  Firm ground is expressed in one’s ability to self observe, serve others selflessly and remain faithful to the Way demonstrated by those who have gone before us, whom we respect.

So choose a path and stay it, do practices without judging them and drop any idea of good, bad, better, best, loss or gain? 

 Any judgment concepted by the thinking mind tends to be very superficial and is usually just some form of mental mischief.  Understanding is different; it is absorbed in the bones, the blood and marrow and happens when one is ripe.  Ripening occurs in the Witnessing Mind, the mind not accessible by thinking.  This mind will never be known through ordinary efforts.  It is only through one’s extraordinary aspiration for the Divine or his/her sincere, intense practice of meditation over time, which takes one into this soft, space of Pure Intelligence. 

Select a path that feels right, and then begin the training in earnest without looking back or around – not judging, or comparing.  Nothing will lead you into a quagmire of stagnation quicker than judgment and doubt.  It is by remaining open to the path that one finds oneself being lead in their sadhana.  The right teacher or experience comes at the correct time, in the perfect form, for a particular lesson.  Sometimes a person will be guided to develop a cool detachment by retreating from activity and involvement in the busy mind or to practice intense sadhana.  Once in a while, any one of us may be called upon to serve as a mediator between the fortunate and the less fortunate, to facilitate an increase that benefits others.  If we can do this without motive, the soul is nurtured. Nurturing the soul increases its influence and we can discover our self  in others. 
We are all traveling the same road; only the events along that way are different for each of us.  There are obstacles inherent in the process; there may be accidents, detours or a roadside bomb that stops us in our tracks for a while. A few will race ahead, jumping over some of the steps along the way.  Some will pace themselves steadily; others stroll, fuflfilling desires on the road but not getting very far, while others shuffle down the road just stirring up dust and kicking rocks.  The key for every journeyer is to learn from each thing that comes up to meet us and continue to move on cautiously, forward.

The pressure from the stress and complexities of life offers us flavor, challenges and opportunities, and the possibility of transformation.   Often our best teachings are those that are forced on us in life.  Rare is the one, who can sit down on a meditation cushion, transfixed on a point in the physical body and drop into Pure Awareness or have God reveal Himself/Herself.   Pure Awareness and God are often  more accessible to people with their eyes wide open, in the midst of an emergency.

Over these past two weeks, I have been shown again and again just how deeply connected we all are to everyone else.  I have been amazed by God’s Grace.  We are connected to those with whom we have much in common but also to those with whom we think we have nothing in common – with those who have divergent political, religious and societal views – with those we like and admire and with those we do not.  We are all intimately connected.  And all we have to do, come what may is to maintain that awareness and reflect on it and trust and surrender moment-to-moment to the flow of life force – trusting the life flow will move us onward, in the best possible way.

Purnima means “full moon day.”    Guru Purnima is the day when the moon is the fullest of the whole year.   It is rather dramatically portrayed as    “that day,  the rays of the sun first touched the earth.”   It is the day of light, the day of wisdom.   Each year, this fullest moon, gurupurnima follows shortly after the longest day of the year, the summer solstice, and is usually in July.

Last Sunday, the 25^th of July was Gurupurnima of this year  — The day in which devotees  seek the Blessings of the Guru.   The day when the devotee  through deepest  devotion can contact the Heart of his/her own Guru/highest Creative Intelligence, and receive Blessings.

Gurupurnima is considered the beginning of the spiritual year.   It marks the beginning of chaturmas- a four month holy period of moderation and spiritual activity.    On this day, seekers offer devotion and the fruits of their practice to the Master in the form of  gratitude and love.     Every disciple makes a pledge to practice more, to understand more fully the Guru’s teachings, to do Guru Seva and to become worthy of receiving the Guru’s grace.

Through concentration on the Guru on this day, through the mind, our prana, our Self, through devotional activities and meditation on the Full Moon, we can have a profound experience, or darshan of the Guru.

We are told… One does not choose the Guru, the Guru chooses the disciple.   The Guru comes when the disciple is ready, this being when the aspirant’s Heart Chakra has opened fully.   For it is through the Spiritual Heart that the disciple and guru are connected.

The subject of the Guru is  controversial and certainly confusing and for the most part  misunderstood  in the West.   While ultimately the disciple must one day transcend an external guru, and discover the guru as a spiritual principle or tattva within, Western disciples often discard the Ideal of an external guru, and risk further confusion in the swamp of  inner guidance by the mind, intellect and ego-sense.

There is a beautiful mantra,   Tamaso ma jyotir gamaya, expressing the concept of Guru.

From the unreal lead us to the Real    Form darkness lead us to the Light   From death lead us to Immortality

“Gu” means darkness and “ru” means light.     So Guru means “dispeller of darkness.”      The Guru is a spiritual preceptor, who initiates his disciples onto the spiritual path and guides them towards liberation.  The Guru is one who has realized his identity with That, the absolute source of everything, and assumes the responsibility of guiding others to that realization.      As such the Lord is manifested in the form of the Guru.

The Guru tattva is the principle by which Nature, creates, sustains and destroys all life in both our inner and outer universes, in whatever way is necessary for us pass from ignorance to wisdom, from egoism to Self-realization.  Having existed before the universe was created it transcends time and space.  The Guru principle exists within everyone as the inner Self, so when we honor the outer Guru, we also honor our own Self.   It is the impersonal Shakti, the spontaneous force that creates whatever is needed for the greatest expansion of sadhana.  Like Grace, it is always accessible.

The word “guru” is derived from the word “gunas.”  The gunas are the modes by which Nature manifest.  They are three in number: rajas, or activity, tamas or inertia, and sattva or balance.  The Guru is one who shows the aspirant how to overcome the influence of rajas and tamas and to become established in sattva, which is the entry for Self-realization.  Ordinarily our human nature moves us back and forth between activity and inertia.  We go through a daily cycle.  Some of us may wake up in the morning filled with so much tamas (inertia) that we find it difficult to get out of bed.  When the force of rajas reaches its peak, we may feel great restlessness.  Gradually, however, as the day progresses we begin to feel tired. By the end of the day tamas or inertia predominates and we return to the state of sleep.  Rarely are we in the state of sattva, or balance, which is characterized by feelings of calm, contentment, mental clarity, joy, love, and detachment.

The Guru teaches us that Yoga has the effect of reducing the influence of rajas and tamas, and increasing the influence of sattva in our lives. The practice of our yoga postures and pranayama can energize and help us shake off feelings of inertia in the early morning. And yet, if done in the evening can help us to manage the effects of stress, such as agitation and nervousness and bring about restful sleep. They bring about balance and equipoise by ridding the body and mind both of excess inertia and restlessness, The practice of meditation and of mantras has similar effects on the vital and mental bodies. All of these practices promote homeostasis and equanimity, the pre-requisites for going within and becoming established in the perspective of the Self or soul, in the spiritual dimension. The Guru therefore can be experienced purely as “the teachings and wisdom” that comes through a lineage of Yogic techniques that leads us to the doorway of Self-realization.

While a  physical Guru, like Kriya Babaji or other ancient Siddhas like Boganathar or Tirumular or more contemporary siddhas like Ramalinga Swamigal, Ramana Maharshi,  may have merged with the Absolute Being Consciousness and Bliss, leaving the physical plane, they still remain available and willing to help true aspirants.

The Guru in subtle form remains as the grace bestowing power of God. Guru, God, Self, all pervading consciousness, Shakti, the All in One and One in All. When a devotee or disciple chants the Guru mantra and meditates on his Guru, even if not in a physical body, The Guru will feel the current of sublime thoughts coming to him from his disciple.   The Guru responds to the vibrations of sublime thoughts in the wide expanse of superconsciousness and visualizes clearly a fine line of dazzling light between them. This is the Grace Power Light, spoken of so often by Ramalinga Swamigal.

Devotion is necessary to success on the path of Yoga. The Siddhas  tell us that it is true devotion that invokes the grace of God. The Siddhas do not define God, but say, God is Love and that devotion is an authentic yogic path of joy. In order to ensure that we remain on a path of unfolding Divinity, a path of liberation and joy, we need two things: devotion, and a commitment to the practices and teachings of an authentic path. However, devotion of this kind and commitment of this kind comes about only through the grace of God.

The Siddhas tell us that it is due to the senses that we experience pain and suffering, and that it is through God’s Grace that we discover the path of love. And they tell us that it is devotion, which is necessary to develop the steadfastness and firm ground needed to control the senses.    It is control of the senses that is required, if we are to advance in Yoga.    Only a higher control over the senses can curtail the reactions of the ego.    It is only through devotion to God that ego-desires, and aversions, lust, anger, hate, fear, greed, pride, envy can be uprooted.    It is through devotion to God that we attain yogic bliss and a life of joy in the world.

Devotion is meditation on the Lord, which brings about an understanding of that one which is eternal and present in all.   Devotion is the fundamental cognition of the Lord; the assurance of an Infinite Absolute Existence, through a spiritual experience of a transcendental Consciousness or ecstatic delight.    Devotion brings about understanding of the qualities of this Absolute Existence.   Devotion is an inner state, which is full of knowledge and will-power.    It brings true understanding that one needs to possess nothing, but to be a witness to everything.    Devotion helps us to understand that we are, as the Siddhas tell us, merely as beads strung on the thread of the Lord Himself; that this thread never breaks and we are never scattered.   Devotion is a means to serve the Lord within and without.

On one day of the year, Gurupurnima, devotees and disciples are graced with a large dose of Divine Shakti.  Power, light, capacity of consciousness is directed from and into the Heart of the Devoted.

In the Tirumandiram, verse 288 it says:

The Lord God knows them who,   by night and day,

Seat Him in heart’s core,    and in love exalted adore;

To them wise with inner light, actionless in trance,

He comes, and, in close proximity, stands before.”

” On Gurupurnima, the devotee is given darshan and it is done.    It  is done gradually as almost continuous work.  The effects stretch over a long period of time.   The work is possible when the body is still and mind is concentrated and immobile.   The devotee/disciple may experience the penetration.   It is almost perceptible, almost visible.   There may be some immediate change, internal or external. Sometimes it is so obvious that the body or mind may panic.    But in general it is nothing sensational  — no great realization, bliss or spiritual light –  instead it is modest and humbling in its effect.   One may know something totally unlearned.   One may feel a sense of quiet control, peaceful vibration, calmness.   Any increase in vibration or force is quite unobtrusive.

One feels closeness to the Guru and that is all the Heart ever seeks!

Meditate on the Guru, imagine Him/Her  to be in every part of you.    Let your body become filled with your Guru.   Remember that just as a cloth is composed of threads, with cloth present in every thread, so are you in the Guru, and He/She in you.    With this kind of vision, see the Guru and yourself as One.     Let there be no difference between Babaji and you.    Keep repeating in your mind, “Guru AUM”  Implant the Guru in each part of your body by saying “Guru AUM.”    And,  Let it Be.

We are having a silent retreat at the Quebec ashram with about 25 people attending.   Most have come to achieve some peace and quiet, to temporarily escape the concerns, frustration, politics, dramas and daily agitations of traffic, work and life.

The retreat began on Wednesday and the energy in the room when the group first introduced themselves was cordial, but somewhat prickly.   The energy in the ashram now is quite sweet.

What is asked of every participant is to remain silent and not to communicate with anyone unless absolutely necessary, through notes, and to do their practice, attend three sessions of 2 hours each (a mix of new and well-known practices and some lecture, a two-hour long asana class and 2, one-hour group meditations).  Otherwise everyone is free to rest or do sitting or walking meditations in the nature that flourishes on our 40 acres.   Everyone seems to be walking with a lighter foot today.    No one seems to be having difficulty with or in the silence, but there is intensity and a sense that there is a lot of inner work being done.

The ashram is a perfect place to practice silence, stillness, contemplation.   We have been told that we are located over an old quartz crystal mine and we do find boulders of quarts scattered here and there on the property.    Perhaps the quartz enhances the energy here.    Surely there is intensely dynamic, yet powerful introverting energy in this place.    Meditation is quite easy here.    We have a meditation kutir by a small lake, which was built by one of the acharyas, Vyasa.    He worked for a month just building the foundation.  It should last a thousand years!   Many of us worked to finish the structure.  We all felt that even before we had dedicated the kutir to the Siddhas and  inaugurated it with chanting and meditation, it had been already enlivened with Shakti.   The very first time we sat there together, we all dropped deeply into meditation.

It is nice working with people who are maintaining verbal silence.   Each day participants arise very early in the morning but even in the afternoon class they are very alert and concentrated on what I have to share.   The class are rather intense and the energy is very deep.  The hour meditation sessions seem effortless for everyone.

Looking from my office window now, I see people roaming about.   A man is raking tall cattails out from the small pond, while another disappears into the dense forest, a woman walking toward the lake in a swimsuit, others sitting on the porch sipping tea.  A steady wind in the trees has been playing a soothing symphony today, inspiring me to blog.

A couple of nights ago, my sleep had been broken by a loud and eerie sound of an animal, with a highly pitched squeal.   I could see nothing from my window, even though the animal sounded close and the moon was quite bright.  I could only hear a single animal raising its voice over and over in the full moonlight.   I could not determine the quality of the sound.   It continued unabated for several minutes and then was abruptly silent.    Had the animal been attacked, was it mating, or was it just howling at the golden glow of the moon?

There is a lot of wildlife around the ashram.   The moose, porcupines and bear are quite shy.   However we have regular silent communication with the muskrat who lives under the waterfall at the pool.  He is quite bold in his possessiveness of the home he has made with his mate.  He often stands on two legs with his arms akimbo starring me down as I work in the garden or as we pass each other on the path leading from the ashram.    Once last summer, when he was standing right at the edge of the pool watching me intently as I weeded ‘his’ garden, a student walked up behind him.  Startled, he threw his arms up in the air and fell backwards into the pool.  Surya ran to the pool and grabbed him up out of the water.  It was a comic book moment that filled me with glee.  Mr. Muskrat shook his coat off elegantly, but without glancing back at us, rushed into his home.    We also have red squirrels with bushy tails and crows that  knock on our back door requesting regular handouts and do the deer, which come up to the kitchen window in the ashram during the most difficult winter months.

On top of our little mountain here, nature radiates her immense beauty in each season—a cornucopia of flora and fauna, sunlight and rain, a wide expanse of sky, amazing clouds,  golden and ochre sunrises, double rainbows,  a range of autumn colors that delight and capture you, stopping you in your tracks, and too, so much snow, so white, glistening jewel-like, so deeply silent.

Nature has provided us a place  to Just Be Still and Wonder at Her Glory.

There was an article on CNN website this weekend about the great numbers of people in the U.S. who claim to be “spiritual but not religious.”  It seems that this expression of faith is disturbing and perhaps even threatening in religious circles.  The article  is titled, “Are there dangers in being spiritual but not religious?”   In case you missed it, I will discuss some of the main points of the article.

The danger outlined by James Martin, a Jesuit priest was that this expression suggests “egoism, complacency and self-centeredness.”  He suggests that without a religious community to make demands on you, one ‘will not help the poor’ or serve others. “Being Spiritual, but not religious he says may sound sophisticated, but the choice may come down to pettiness.”  Religion is hard,” he says. “Sometimes it’s just too much work. People don’t feel like it.     I have better things to do with my time.   It’s plain old laziness.”

The article suggests there could be “hidden dangers” in living such a life.  Apparently according to a survey in 2009, by the LifeWay Christian Resources, 72 %  of 18 – 29 year olds consider themselves spiritual, not religious.  The hidden dangers, in religious institutions that divide rather than unite and injure rather than heal are perhaps the reason so many young people have chosen to become SBNR.  Could the “hidden dangers” referred to in the article have to do with the future survival of churches, temples, mosques and seminaries.

June-Ann Greeley, who teaches at Sacred Heart University in Connecticut explains the trend:  “Religion demands that we accord to human existence some absolutes and eternal truths, and in a post-modern culture, that becomes all but impossible,”  “People seem not to have the time nor the energy or interest to delve deeply into any one faith or religious tradition,” Greeley goes on to say,  so they move through, collecting ideas and practices and tenets that most appeal to the self, but making no connections to groups or communities.”

Personally, I have found that those who take on the label SBNR most often had a strong religious upbringing or studied religion quite deeply, perhaps adopting several at some point,  and have an exceptionally clear spiritual faith.

Jennifer Walters, dean of religious life at Smith College in Massachusetts, says, “Religious communities excel at caring for members in difficult times, encouraging members to serve others and teaching religious practices that have been tested and wrestled with for centuries.   “Hymn-singing, forms of prayer and worship, teachings about social justice and forgiveness — all these things are valuable elements of religious wisdom,” Walters says.   “Piecing it together by yourself can be done, but with great difficulty.”

I found this article thought-provoking.   Having never completely allied my heart with any religion I suppose I too, if asked would have to take the position of SBNR.  And probably just like you, I am surprised at the assertion that SBNR is an egoistic, petty and  dangerous approach, lacking in self awareness, prayer, worship, social justice and forgiveness.

Several of those who subscribe to a SBNR philosophy were invited to explain what this meant to them.  There were general themes, which included the universality of man and a disbelief in some kind of universal retribution for being nonreligious.   The  SBNR practitioners quoted in the article placed importance on taking responsibility for one’s actions and for care-taking oneself and ones’ soul.

It is an important step in our practice of Kriya Yoga, as I would imagine with most claiming SBNR  that each  of us piece the valuable elements of spiritual wisdom together for our self.   Connection to and care for the soul is a powerful solitary activity.

SBNR suggests that one comes into his/her faith out of personal experience and adopts spiritual qualities of kindness, compassion and service from an understanding of the unity in diversity.

In fact, doesn’t  SBNR intrinsically suggests that one is influenced by one’s soul and  trusts the Divine consciousness that permeates the appearance of  life in the world.  Certainly, a spiritual person is  reaching to attain a  spiritual consciousness in order to become aware of the  soul.     We do our spiritual practices of yoga asana, pranayama, mantra, meditation and self inquiry for just that purpose.   Ultimately all spiritual yogic practices encourages a cessation of  identification with ones’  mental conditioning and emotional fluctuations, in order to open to the influence and guidance of inspiration and intuition from a Higher Intelligence.

SBNR  requires us to use all the circumstances and events in our  life to grow into the nature of our soul…a  life rich with failure and success, loss and gain and afflicted by spiritual doubt and confusion.  All manner of difficulties naturally arise within the minute details of life to try and test us.   These difficulties, even the most insignificant ones can hinder or trip us up on any spiritual path.

A SBNR person is tempted and tested just as religious parishioner is, until equanimity and surrender is complete.   The self study and self correction required of a SBNR person is certainly as difficult,  if not more so,  than what is  required typically of a religious person.    The goal of a spiritual person is to consistently address the  world through awareness, from the highest perspective of the  spirit, not just be apart of a religious community and its dictates.    SBNR cannot be dangerous for the qualities of the soul provide clarity and purifying energy.   If one can keep oneself centered in the soul (CITS), which is what Spiritual suggests,  one’s actions will be more more loving and compassionate, come what may.

From the Voice of Babaji, Kriya Babaji says “No man can receive any good from anywhere, unless he himself comes forward for it.  It is when time and circumstances are ripe that a man can see the truth of things. Experience is the teacher and a man has to grow himself. Other conditions help in his growth like air and sunshine. We cannot make a blade of grass. How can we make a man religious? The scriptures and teachings are of great use to a man who really does something with them. Water, air and light are useful to a plant that has some vitality already in it.

To talk of God is no belief. A man believes in God when he really believes in himself because God lives in the core of our heart. We talk glibly about his existence. We profess to have faith in him. But is it not very hard to actually believe in him?

Philosophy, prayer and meditation are so many steps that lead a devotee of God towards the tower of belief. Pure reasoning and complete renunciation alone can take a seeker after Truth to its sacred precincts.”

While the path of  seeking faith in the Divine Intelligence may lead to goodness, all along the way there is a looming and  ever-present danger of egoism.   The ego can manifest in so many ways, as desire, self-interest, ambition, pride, self-righteousness, self-doubt, boredom, lethargy, depression and attachment.  These all can deceive the mind and keep us merely skirting the surface of spirituality, regardless if we are religious or not.   The Mother of Aurobindo Ashram was quoted saying,  “the power of self-deception is amazing; the mind is skilled in finding an admirable justification for any ignorance, stupidity whatsoever.”

So how are we to know if we are truly seeking spirituality in the “right way,” and without egoism and all its’ pettiness?

Of course at this point, we could turn the tables and ask, “how does religion demand that its believers work individually to purify themselves of their flawed foundations and ego-centric, self-deceptions?”   Religion requires that one follow its’ doctrines, dogma and participate in rituals ?”

And  what about the foundation of religion itself; is there some kind of eye of truth set in place, ever watching to uncover its own flaws and self-deceptions?    Unfortunately, when we think of religion, we think of an institution or organization that acts autonomously, without an oversight or controls.   And think that as with all organizations, a religious institution has an invested interest in protecting its survival and defending its beliefs and everything that belongs to it, even when those beliefs are obviously contradictory to the principles of divine living.

The  long and short definition of  SBNR is,  one who believes in the existence of  a Divine Intelligence that is still functioning in the Universe and one who accepts that sacredness as a part of their nature.    And while this individual has refused the limitations that organized religion has placed on living a religious life, he/she has chosen to behave according to the principles of living a divine life.

What we should ask our self  is, are we traveling the  SBNR path intensely and sincerely and are we willing to come face to face with our weaknesses, flaws and self deceptions in order to correct them?     For an integrated physical, vital, mental, intellectual, SBNR transformation, we must understand the goal is not empowerment, phenomenal visionary experiences, abundance or good fortune.   The goal is a transformation of ones’ entire being, which demands the ego be diminished so that the soul can step forward.

Yoga and meditation is a path of SBNR and naturally benefits the body and mind and moderates the emotions of the practitioner.    The true benefits of Yoga are awareness, equanimity and soulfulness.    Awareness sets the bar even higher for each of our actions and reactions to life, than does religion.  As our interactions with the world become more aware, our body, mind and heart aligns in caring tenderness with and for the soul. The ego naturally diminishes as the soul enlarges and an energizing consciousness animates the eyes, mind and heart.  Awareness is reflected as a clear, strong, rational mind and a healthy attitude toward one’s part to play in the world. Awareness creates understanding, which harmonizes the being and develops potential and capability to compassionately serve others.  How can that be bad?

What to read the original story?  http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/06/03/spiritual.but.not.religious/index.html

I am spending some days visiting with my mother.    It was so nice to be here with her for Mothers Day.    We woke up early had a nice breakfast and attended her church.     She is a Presbyterian and the church she attends is quite friendly and open.   Her minister is rather progressive and preaches the teachings of Jesus in light of  “becoming like Him.”    His words all sounded quite yogic to me.    I am paraphrasing but he basically talked about how individuals are influenced by big groups of people over generations and can be infected by a wrong way of viewing the world and life in it.    This is not what religion is and religion should not be used to propagate harm in any way.    Religion is about living a life like Jesus lived, one purely of service and compassion.    He talks about a group of people at the church without naming names, who are really acting out of  great service and compassion.    Apparently a few church members meet regularly on different projects and were presently working  to make comfortable mats, for homeless people, out of plastic bags.   I find myself trying to imagine these mats.   Sam goes on to say that in the coming weeks a large dinner  is planned  to discuss how religion can be part of the solution instead of part of the problem in our culture.    He invites anyone who wants to be sent an invitation for this event to contact the church.   “All are welcome,”  he says, “but everyone must  make a request to be apart of the solution team.”

I am surprised that Mom can adore her minister so much and still be such a neo-con, but I think, maybe her hearing is so bad that she can enjoy the sermon without hearing any of it.    She was so funny shaking Sam’s hand and telling him how inspired she was by his sermon and that she will have to contemplate all he had said, and then turning to me confiding that she didn’t understand a thing.

After we had returned home and she had changed into more comfortable shoes and we were preparing to go for lunch, I told her what Sam had said in his sermon.    She said confidentially, “well you know, I don’t watch Fox News anymore.”   My eyes did not get too wide when she said that, but my smile did.
”Well, she said “except for Huckabee on Saturdays, I do like to watch that show.”

We have been speaking of spiritual things a lot this trip, and Mom is now beginning to listen with interest and even ask questions.    She says that she is not really a spiritual person.    I wonder what she defines as spiritual, but do not ask.    But she goes on, “ever since Dad died, I am interested in seeing the world differently.”    I had told her to continue to talk to Dad, whenever she feels like it.   She says she is talking to Dad a lot now.    I told her that when she most misses him, when a warm wave of sadness suddenly envelops her, it is because  Dad is there with her with his arms around her.    It is precisely because Dad is there that she is thinking of him so intently, and she begins to cry softly and says,  “You know, I almost thought that myself sometimes.”     I told her that Dad is there always in my heart and I speak to him each morning.    In my bathroom, I have hung a great photo of him playing golf  and I talk to him when I am washing my face and brushing my teeth at night.   Whenever I want to see him, I go in their and sit with his photo and remember him.    Sometimes when I am walking around the nearby golf course I see him swing a club or wave at me.     I don’t miss him these days.     I feel like I am closer to him now than when he was alive and living so far away.      We had both been so busy with our own separate lives, but now he is totally apart of mine.

A funny moment had happened in church that seemed significant.    There is a part of the service where members get up and talk “news and notes.”    A woman got up to invite everyone to a farewell party for long time parishioners who were moving to be closer to their children in another state.     She said, “I personally think this move is strange, isn’t it the point that children move away forever from their parents?”     Sam  retorted, “I suppose that depends on your parenting skills!”   I burst out laughing.     Sam did not continue and I sat wondering if, he meant that proper parenting skills prepare children and make them independent and they are supposed to move away forever, like birds from a nest, or that good parents create such nourishing environments that children want to stay close,  parents and children remaining interdependent.       I am still pondering this, from the karmic, spiritual evolution of the spirit perspective.     Did my mother do a better job at the true goals of parenting or did I?

For the spiritual life, one must share oneself fully, passing on all that one has learned.  Bodhisattva and all that…sharing discoveries and and caring for and serving others with kindness and compassion, without judgment and without need for reward, surely that is easiest to learn with one’s own children first.

But families are part of the passing show, and they can create conditioning that cause us to suffer.    They encourage attachment, desire, judgment, aversion, liking and disliking, pleasure and pain.    Even the best intentions can nourish or harm us, encourage us or limit us. And everything we do leads to more karma.

Years ago when my youngest son had graduated from high school and was going off to college in Boston, I asked my parents if they wanted me to move to their small town in the southwest, to be near to them.     I could feel that my father’s physical body was beginning to wind down and thought they might soon need me.     But, my mother’s immediate response was a surprise.    She had a dramatic and totally negative knee-jerk reaction to my heartfelt suggestion, so much that my father’s strong hands began to shake.    Her mouth went up at the corners and her eyes sparkled in delight at she claimed her assertive role and said, “never, you can’t come live with us!”    In retrospect, perhaps  her reaction was due to what she had been hearing about the large numbers of adult children moving back home with parents.     Surely the impression was that she was not going to be taken advantage of in that way.     I was traveling a lot and had a good  income and savings, was teaching Yoga and thought I could perhaps develop a small studio in their little town.    So her reaction stunned me.    Of course, I realized that karmically, I had no need to make this move.

We all know that we must not harm anyone or anything.  But more than not harming we need to give up all selfishness and the idea that we need only take care only of our self and our happiness.   It doesn’t work to only concern one’s self with one’s needs, desires and happiness. It is always self defeating; it merely ties us in knots.   Self-centeredness never gets us very far and often denies us true happiness.    It makes us grow old, selfish and greedy and remain superficial in our relationships.    My greatest happiness has come from my being willing to give up everything and allow change to unfold.

I thank my children for increasing my capacity  to give fully and love unconditionally.    The birth of my first son taught me that the amount of one’s happiness is proportional to the amount of one’s self-giving.    My children have opened my heart in a way that no Yoga technique or Spiritual experience has been able to replicate.    An open heart changes one’s life forever.     Becoming a mother twice was God’s gifts to me and they had both a specific goal and affect.      I had my first child because I needed unconditional love in my life.     And I had my second son to show me I needed to share my love and happiness more widely with others.

I can say without a doubt that Motherhood has commanded my greatest teachings in this life and that relationships continue to hold my greatest tests.

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