Seeking Babaji through the Self

Yearning, had been my entryway to  Babaji.   I  felt that I, as an individual had a greater potential to find Babaji, than I did as part of a group – any group.      And yet, I suppose that the weight of any social mass of aspiring individuals would exert an exaggerated pressure on Babaji to show Himself in some manner.  As the book of Matthew says in the Bible, “When two or three have gathered together in my name, I am there in their midst.”      What I  found particularly inspiring was that the tradition of Babaji’s Kriya Yoga encouraged each individual’s progress toward spiritual evolution by providing a practical step by step luminous entry toward Babaji.

For me, Babaji is a state of consciousness, aware and loving insight, prajna,  arising from a Silent mind.   I know Babaji is near when my love for him is overwhelming.   I am yearning for His nearness, precisely because He is near. And this state of grace might be mine while doing mundane things, for instance, driving in my car on a busy highway, or grocery shopping.  I did not need to always be seated in a deep absorptive meditation.

I first discovered Babaji was a particular state of consciousness, during a trip to India.  I was traveling with my friend, Theresa.  She had never been to India and wanted to come along with me.  She too, was strongly connected to Babaji, and also felt connected to Ramana Maharshi.   We were not really traveling around India, but rather to Thiruvanamalai and Ramana’s ashram.   We had begun the journey in Pondicherry to spend a few days at the Ashram of Sri Aurobindo and The Mother.

Theresa is a very special person, a psychic since childhood.   Her brother was a well-known NASCAR driver and Theresa was well-known in race car circles for her psychic, diagnostic abilities.    She could tell drivers what was wrong with their car before a mechanic even looked under the hood and often even after a mechanic checked it out and couldn’t find the problem. She had a particularly helpful, disembodied best friend who gave her guidance on all matters including the well-being of race cars.  She would often be awakened in the middle of the night by some soul  looking for something from her or perhaps merely to give her a bit of a start.  Theresa was honestly not interested and would tell them to, “go in peace, and get outta here!”  Theresa has a great sense of humor and is grounded and so with a sense of balance, she accepts the oddities in her world with resignation and a sigh.

Theresa decided, on her first day in Pondicherry, to just draw the curtains and stay in bed.  Her idea was to suffer menstrual cramping in peace and to postpone the start of her Indian adventure.   I had gone to the Aurobindo Ashram for early morning sadhana and when I returned found her in bed meditating.  I wanted her to go with me for breakfast, so sat on my bed to wait and dropped into meditation.  I must have been pretty deep, because the next thing I knew Theresa was sitting on my bed crossed-legged, with her hands on my knees, saying, “Do you see Him? Don’t you see him? Babaji is here!”

“What, are you talking about?” I managed.

“Look!” He is right here with you.   Look!” I opened my eyes as wide as I could, rolled my eyes upward and gazed without focusing. Then, I closed my eyes and saw light.  Theresa said, “Yes, now look into the light!”

I penetrated the light at some level and dissolved in that energy. I saw no form of Babaji, but I was absorbed in such peace and expanded beyond my physical body.  Then, I said, “He said that he is Enlightenment.  Babaji is Enlightenment?  …  He is where I go sometimes, even while doing asana?”    This was similar to the experience I had years ago when I was Swami Muktananda, on the day of Gurupurnima, at Sri Muktananda Ashram.  One becomes what one seeks, even if, for an instance.

Apparently Theresa has the capability to regularly see Babaji in form, which I do not.   And even to this day, except for one “holographic” experience at Santopanth Tal in 1999, I still, sigh, do not.       Still, I am spiritually centered in Babaji and I feel I am impelled to act through that connection.   He is for me a spontaneous out-flowing of love, illumination, insight, inspiration, intuition, which comes when I least expect it.  He brings a complexity of  feelings — surprise, joy, inspiration and confidence.  I feel empowered to resolve the myriad of problems that arise from my vital and mental life.  I feel my deepest devotion for Babaji when I witness how my life has been transformed to harmonize with my spiritual aspirations.

Through my inner experiences of Babaji, I have regained faith in something larger than my self and find that I can live every moment without desire or regret.   Regardless of how things eventually turn out, I know that my life is happening in each moment and anything is possible.

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