Relationship karma

In 1970, I went off to college.  My freshman year,  my roommate was a senior.  Gloria was nearing thirty  and quite early on decided she needed to take me under her wing.  All of her friends were already out of school, but due to some quality of magnetism, we all hung out.  She introduced me to all the things that I had not known about before.  Her friends could be classified only as unique individualists.  Not one conformist in the group. Not being someone who enjoyed groups of any kind, I found Gloria’s friends to be fascinating, if perhaps a bit intimidating.  None of them practiced Yoga, but all had spiritual experiences, which they described to me in great detail.  Unfortunately, all their spiritual experiences had been drug induced.  Drugs were absolutely and totally out of the question for me.  I had decided that I could Know God, if God existed and felt afraid that drugs could create an artificial and false experience. Perhaps thereafter, I would never really be able to trust my experiences.  I thought if I could have spiritual experiences such as those they described, without the drugs, then I would be able to trust That existence.

Preferring to be a lone wolf rather than join a pack, I was not drawn to the Spiritual groups of the 70’s either.   During that time I met several Gurus, but I was uncomfortable with the organizations surrounding them.  Instead I studied Yoga and teachings of mystics, did Hatha Yoga and tried to meditate on my own.  My results were mixed, but one particular meditation soothed my soul and issued in a new patience. The message was that it did not matter what I did until I was thirty but at that time I would get started on my path with sincerity.  I used the asana practice as a physical exercise, continued my automatic writing somewhat, and worked on developing my intuition, but other than that I lived the life of a college student.

The first month of my sophomore year, a Psychology graduate assistance came into my life for about 12 hours and completely changed the way I ate and thought about food. I was sitting at a table studying in the Student Union when he sat down next to me and began to talk about meditation, quite out of the blue and the importance of being vegetarian. I had never thought about it before. We talked for hours, then he took me to the grocery store and showed me the foods I should eat daily, then he took me to see an East Indian graduate student who spoke for a while about the importance of eating certain foods daily, especially various nuts. It was quite a strange day. I never saw either of these two men again, but they changed my eating habits forever.  I became a vegetarian, a conscious eater and lost all interest in sweets and fried foods and about 25 lbs.  Although this doesn’t sound  like much, this immediate shift was actually quite miraculous.

There were several people who came into my life in college that I knew so deeply the moment I met them.  Some I liked immensely, feeling an immediate kinship with, and some I absolutely feared and tried to keep my distance from.   And there was one especially who I feared and rebuked for months and months, until finally, with my resistance broken down, I fell in love with.  He was not for me, and yet, this was one of the most vital relationships I have ever had.  It lasted for almost six months and then one day he disappeared, as if he had  dropped off the face of the earth, never to be seen again.

I met Mikael at the Science Library in my Junior year.  I knew the first time we went out that we would marry, although he was not at all ‘my type.’ He was a tall and gorgeous, charming, politically conservative, agnostic, ambitious, a Swedish exchange student getting his PhD in Marketing, who planned to return home to Sweden, the following year. But it was if the die had already been cast.  I meditated to understand how I knew him or why we should be together.   I knew that I didn’t want to get married or to have a family. Those were things I did not plan for or think about at all.  But, this was a knowing-at-first-sight. It didn’t make any sense and wasn’t particularly romantic.  Mikael was dating other women -many other women- and I was not interested.  A stream of insights flowed in meditation, which I quickly decided was imagination or wild speculation.  It took several years for circumstances to shift and correct and  re-correct themselves or the planets to align in just the right figuration, but we did marry.  The marriage was solid and lasted for twenty-four years and then it ended, in divorce.

The dictates of karma says that as long as there is karma, an impression to act, we have to act. We make karmic arrangements to meet certain people in order to share certain experiences with them.  And when those specific purposes are fulfilled, the karma is over and there is no way we can maintain a one-sided relationships.  Karma is not a mutual contact.  Perhaps those we meet along the way are not the people who will help us the most, but those to whom we can be of most useful.  And truly isn’t one of our grandest lessons to learn to serve others.

Others can be close to us on one, or more planes of existence. For instance, we are connected to certain people on a physical level as with family and others who are physically close to us.  But, there is also a vital energetic connection that we have when we also have similar desires and impulses. Beyond that there can be an intellectual relationship due to complimentary mental capacities, which heightens or compliments the other.  And finally, we can have a soul connection where spiritual aspiration converges. Relationships which connect on all four levels are profound. It is with these people that we have the most integral and perfectly beneficial friendships and probably the longest contact.

By my senior year, I was eager to make my move to Albuquerque. I had been planning for about six years to move there.  I was getting a degree in Speech Therapy, and even though I did not know how useful that would be, I applied to VISTA, Volunteers In Service to America….volunteering to teach on an Indian Reservation anywhere in New Mexico.  I was denied, as I was not American Indian and instead offered an opportunity to teach in Yuma, Arizona.   Instead of accepting Yuma, and going on the path I had designed for myself,  I got detoured and ended up in Detroit Michigan married to Mikael.   How it all happened is not important, but what is interesting is that I had made a complete about-face with regard to absolutely everything that I had been planning for my life up until that time.  The mystery of Love,  or is it karma is just so irresistible!

  1. No comments yet.

  1. No trackbacks yet.